Thoughts before I leave

Today I am filled with anxiety and worry.  My shoulder is not healed completely and sometimes it is really painful.  I'm not sure how it will react to carrying a heavy pack all day, up and down mountains.  I have not been able to train with it.  My physical therapist wanted me to let it completely heal before I tried to train with it.  Well, obviously that's not going to happen now.  It is what it is.  I'm going in 2 days with an unhealed shoulder.  I keep hoping that sleeping in my hammock is going to help it.  I don't know if that's denial or just wishful thinking.  All I can do is give this thing my best shot.  That's all any of us can ask of ourselves.

Almost all of the hikers I've been following online are off the trail due to injuries.  Most of them have knee or foot injuries.  That is such a fear - that I will fall and end my hike.  All of them have strongly suggested starting VERY slow which I plan to do.  I don't think my body will allow me to do anything other than VERY slow anyway!  I have to remember that trying to stay with a faster hiker's pace will only hurt me in the long run.

Tonight is my going away party with my family.  My sister-in-law and brother are having my family over to their house to say goodbye and spend time together.  Bittersweet for me as I start the dream journey of a lifetime, but already feeling the pain of missing the ones I love so much.

I am worried about my Mom as she is facing some health issues.  My Mom and I are very close and usually help each other through tough times.  She will have to face this one without me and I feel guilty about that.  I hope and pray that it turns into something minor for her and that the rest of my family will step up to help with whatever she needs.

I am so thankful and grateful to my family and friends for the support I've received.  Amanda asked for financial help for us to change my phone plan to Verizon so that I will be able to use my phone.  T-mobile was useless in the mountains, but Verizon had coverage everywhere.  Many in my family and some of my friends helped with this expense.  It's so expensive to change plans mid-stream!

Gear-wise, I feel prepared.  I am happy with my gear choices overall.  I am carrying some items that some ultralight hikers would deem unnecessary weight.  I know there are some things I could leave at home and I may end up deciding to send them home at Neel Gap.  We'll see.

I am excited to meet my hiking group I've dubbed the Merry Misfits, since some of us have some pretty serious physical and health challenges to contend with.  They are all supportive and sincere and I'm hoping that we will be as compatible in person as we seem online.

So I just needed to get some of this off my chest since it's all heavy on my mind.  This will most likely be my last post before I set off on my grand adventure.  Next time you hear from me will be when I have a signal, which on T-mobile could be awhile!  My Verizon plan won't start for a couple of weeks.

My plans for this blog are to share the good, bad, and the ugly.  I am not going to sugar-coat my experience so if you want to read about just sunshine and rainbows then this is not the AT blog for you.  I've read too many of those.  I want mine to reflect my real experience as much as possible.  Sorry, Mom!  :)

The mountains are calling and I must go.

John Muir

Mount Katahdin - Northern Terminus of the Appalachian Trail